Know the Social Rules - Discretion Policy - Etiquette

Social Rules

All play shall be consensual.

All CAPEX sponsored play parties must have at least one (1) Dungeon Monitor, approved by the Board, on duty at all times. Further, for every four (4) play stations, there shall be a Dungeon Monitor on duty.

(a) The Dungeon Monitor(s) shall not be encumbered by any other duties that may distract him/her from the role of Dungeon Monitor.

(b) The Dungeon Monitor(s) shall be a CAPEX contributor in good standing.

(c) The Dungeon Monitor(s) will have access to all areas of the Dungeon during an event.

(d) All concerns should be brought to the Dungeon Monitor(s).

(e) Only Dungeon Monitor(s) may interrupt a scene.

(f) The Dungeon Monitor(s) will adhere to the CAPEX Dungeon Monitor guidelines as set forth in the "CAPEX Dungeon Monitor's Guide."

The Social Director, a CAPEX contributor appointed by the board of directors, has final administrative authority over the social. His/Her decisions are binding for the duration of the event. Failure to obey the Social rules or otherwise disturbing the event may result in being told to leave the event. In such a case, no refund will be made.

No illegal substances of any kind are allowed on the Premises.

Mental clarity is fundamental to safety in the BDSM scene. Use of intoxicants, drugs and medications can interfere with mental clarity. Those who are considered unsafe in terms of their mental readiness to play at a CAPEX function may be asked to refrain from playing, or may be asked to leave the premises. (Note: we recognize mental clarity can also be impaired by anger, exhaustion, and/or grief).

Firearms and firearm replicas are prohibited.

All attendees must be prepared to present their contributor cards on admission or at any point during an event OR be a guest of a card-carrying contributor.

Prior to admittance, all guests shall read and sign a waiver agreeing to abide by CAPEX rules for Socials and, in addition, shall present a valid photo ID to verify their age and identity.

Prostitution, solicitation, and negotiations of compensation for sexual services ARE ILLEGAL and are not tolerated. Violations shall result in immediate removal and banning from future events. Scene professionals may not receive payment for services rendered at a CAPEX event.

Cameras, tape recorders or any other types of recording and/or broadcasting devices are NEVER allowed at any CAPEX sponsored event without the expressed written permission of the Board of Directors.

(i) Any unauthorized devices will be taken and held.

(ii) The device will be returned in a timely fashion after the data are destroyed.

(iii) Anyone found with unauthorized device(s) will be subject to disciplinary action, up to and including expulsion from CAPEX.

Smoking is permitted in designated areas only.

There will be NO genital-to-orifice penetration.

Neither CAPEX, it’s Board of Directors, nor the management, owners or operators of the event site, nor any agents, successors or assigns of any of the foregoing shall be liable to any attendee for injury to person, or property incurred as a result of attendance at a Play Social.

In order for a CAPEX Contributor to make a reservation for himself/herself to attend a CAPEX Social, he/she must have previously attended at least two (2) CAPEX Meetings, and be a Contributor in good standing.

Please share the special play equipment. So that others may also enjoy them, please limit your usage of a play station to no more than 90 minutes. Beyond that, please approve each additional 30 minutes with the Dungeon Monitor.

Keep your play safe ...

(a) Play involving any sort of strangulation, venom, bestiality, or firearms is strictly forbidden.

(b) Advanced play involving such techniques as electricity, fire play, mummification, piercing, cutting, strobe lights and so forth should only be done by experienced, properly equipped players.

(c) A Dungeon Monitor must be informed of the desire to play using advanced techniques prior to the beginning of the scene.

(d) Needle points protruding from the skin must be blunted with tape, cork or similar material if the pierced person is moving about the party.

(e) In order to prevent an injury-causing fall, a person whose hands have been bound behind them or secured by their sides, and/or a person whose legs are restrained in any way, must be escorted by a "spotter" while they move from place to place. This spotter must remain within arm's reach.

(f) Anyone who has been bound to a fixed object, such as a chair or post, must be kept under close, constant watch by a specified person who stays within "lunge distance" (typically no more than 20 feet) of the bound person.

(g) Mouth Stuffing must be attached to the gag.

(h) Watch your backswing! Make sure the area beside, behind and above you stays clear. (Spectators also share in this responsibility by making sure that they do not move into the path of flying objects or intrude in the scene space.)

Please keep the space clean by properly disposing of your plates, cups, and so forth. Clean up completely after your scenes. Leave all equipment free of sweat, blood. other bodily fluids, wax, toys, etc. Cleaning supplies are readily available in all play spaces.

CAPEX recognized Safewords.

YELLOW "Too much," "Slow down," "Something is wrong, but I don't want to stop the scene.

RED "Something is VERY wrong." "Stop everything NOW!"

MAYDAY I need OUTSIDE assistance!

Two Thumps The non-verbal equivalent of RED

Two thumbs up is the equivalent of GREEN

Two Squeezes May be used by the Top or the Dungeon Monitor to check on someone's well-being. This signal should be answered by a returned two squeezes.

Normal Scene Etiquette is required. (CAPEX bylaws, Article X)

You are responsible for your guests. If you choose to bring guests, ensure that they know what kind of a party they will be attending, what the rules are, and that they can emotionally handle being at such an event. All guests must have passed their 21st birthday. You WILL be held responsible for the behavior of your guests.

Additional "House Rules" may also apply, depending on location, host, and/or other circumstances.

Alcoholic Beverages are NEVER allowed at ANY CAPEX event without the expressed written permission of the CAPEX Board of Directors.

Neither the Charlotte Area Power Exchange (CAPEX), it's Board of Directors, nor the management, owners, or operators of event space, nor any agents, successors or assigns of any of the foregoing shall be held liable to any attendee for injury to person or property incurred as a result of attendance at any CAPEX event. Participants, by their attendance at a CAPEX event, assume all risks of such attendance.  

Discretion Policy

CAPEX understands and embraces its' obligation to safeguard Contributor's privacy to the very best of its' ability. With this in mind the following procedures are established:

(a) Willful disclosure of a Contributor's identity without express permission from that Contributor may be grounds for expulsion.

(b) Contributor applications are considered extremely confidential. The information contained therein shall be only shared with Board of Director members, and only then on a need-to-know basis. A Contributor may elect to provide scene name, on their Contributor application, which will be used to reference him/her in the CAPEX newsletter. The Contributor may also elect not to be mentioned at all.

(c) Newsletters shall be handled in a discreet fashion:

(i) Mailed and/or electronically mailed, per specification of each Contributor,

(ii) Mailed in a plain envelope, with nothing showing to indicate the nature of the correspondence. The CAPEX P.O. Box # shall be the only return address,

(iii) If the Contributor desires a newsletter to be mailed, it shall be mailed to the address provided by the Contributor.

(d) Cameras, tape recorders or any other types of recording and/or broadcasting devices are NEVER allowed at any CAPEX sponsored event without the expressed written permission of the Board of Directors.

(i) Any unauthorized devices will be taken and held.

(ii) The device will be returned in a timely fashion after the data are destroyed.

(iii) Anyone found with unauthorized device(s) will be subject to disciplinary action, up to and including expulsion from CAPEX.

Discretion is absolutely necessary. Some members' family, friends and/or jobs may be threatened if their lifestyle were known. We expect people's privacy and identities to be protected. Being mindful of discretion is strongly encouraged.

Use your common sense. Don't approach other scene people in public and make a reference to any lifestyle topic. They may very well be with someone who does not know of their interests.

When in doubt, err on the side of caution.

Don't give out someone else's personal information (name, address, phone number, occupation, etc.). It is not yours to give out.


Common courtesy, Social graces, Socially acceptable behavior. These are all terms used in a civilized society where humans interact with one another. The BDSM community has, over time, developed social mores or acceptable behaviors that its members follow in public situations, and it behooves us to be mindful of the social rules in the area in which we live and play. While Scene Etiquette does vary from place to place, the common thread remains, "Be polite."

With the above in mind, the following is what is considered Normal Scene Etiquette for CAPEX.

(a) Ask before touching.

(i) Do not touch another person's body, clothing or equipment without their specific permission.(NOTE: there is a reason why this is Rule #1.)

(b) Everybody here is an equal and entitled to courteous treatment.

(i) A person is permitted to act dominant or submissive toward you only after you have agreed to that.

(ii) An offer to play is not an insult. If you decline an offer to play, please do so as politely as possible.

(c) Respect the privacy of scenes in progress.

(i) Watch from a non-intrusive distance.

(ii) Do not interrupt a scene in progress for routine questions or conversation.

(iii) Join a scene in progress ONLY if expressly invited to do so by the top or dominant.

(iv) Do not make negative comments about a scene in such a way that the players can hear.

(v) If you have safety questions or other concerns about a scene in progress, please communicate them immediately to the Dungeon Monitor (DM) or the Social Director.

(d) Keep social conversation in the Social Areas.

(i) Please hold ordinary conversations in the Social Areas.

(ii) Conversation and laughter are inappropriate in scene areas while scenes are in progress.

(iii) Please do not sit on or near play equipment unless you are using it or about to use it.

(e) Play in the Play Stations.

(i) For the comfort of all, and with the exception of those activities deemed to be social in nature (i.e.: protocols, mental domination, service/task oriented scenes), all play should be kept to the designated Play Stations.

(f) Respect people's privacy.

(i) Some guests must remain deeply "in the closet" about where they live, their real names, their profession, what company they work for, and so forth. Please refrain from asking direct questions about these areas. It is fine if they volunteer information, but don't probe.

(ii) Disclosing another person's name, address, phone number or other personal information without their specific consent is extremely serious misconduct. Don't do it, and don't ask others to do it.

(g) No means no.

(i) If your second offer to play with a particular person is declined, please don't make a third offer at that particular Social.

(ii) If someone says to you, "Please leave me alone," that is considered a "Social safeword." Do not initiate further conversation or hover near them for the rest of the event.

(iii) Do not assume that single means "available."

(h) No violence, threats or challenges.

(i) Starting a fight, over-reacting to provocation, threatening another person in any way, or challenging them to fight either at the event or "outside" is extremely serious misconduct and will result in immediate ejection from the Social.

(i) Help us keep a low profile.

(i) Please avoid blood-curdling screams, high pitched shrieks and other sounds that might alarm people outside the party.

(ii) Appropriate outer clothing must be worn in any area open to, or in view of the General Public.

(j) You are responsible for your guests.

(i) All guests must have passed their 21st birthday.

(ii) If you choose to bring guests, please ensure that your guests know what kind of a party they are being invited to, what the rules are, how they should behave, and that they can emotionally handle what they might see.

(iii) If your guests behave in an unacceptable manner, you will be held accountable.

(k) Dress code.

(i) There is no special dress code, per se. Fetish wear is certainly "admired, but not required."

(ii) Please arrive at the party door wearing relatively normal outer clothing.

Willful and ongoing disrespect of other Contributors may be grounds for expulsion.

P.O. Box 551244 | Gastonia, NC 28055 | board@capex.info